All lubed-up and raring to go!

Ohhh mygod! I had no idea that they would be using so much lube for one ultrasound! I felt like a basted turkey ready for the oven

Ok, so yes, let's back up. This morning was our 5 month ultrasound. First, let's begin with the father - Hubby o'mine

We arrived approximately 5 minutes early, checked-in, at which point Hubby decided he absolutely must have a cup of coffee. So he disappeared. Of course, the technician came out and called my name while he was still (inexplicably) gone. I had to beg forgiveness and request a couple of extra minutes while he returned "from the bathroom" (I felt too stupid to tell them that he had deserted me for caffeine.) Of course, she disappeared behind the door again, promising to return in a few minutes, just as Hubby walked in, steaming coffee in hand. Seconds too late.

"I just got called!" I moaned, a deserted 5-month pregnant woman, standing in the middle of the waiting room, scolwing at my husband and aware that everyone watching me thought this was highly amusing. "Now we have to wait for her to come out for us again." Groaned, sighed, harumpfed, plonked myself back down on the seat.

At that time I didn't need to pee.

Then, for some reason, Hubby stood expectantly with his coffee at the front desk. When the receptionist got off the phone he made some song and dance about the technician coming back out for us because we were "ready now". The woman looked at him quizzically as I whispered through clenched teath, "She said she would be back out in a few minutes. SIT DOWN!"

If everyone wasn't looking at us before, they were then. The man a few seats away looked up from his smartphone and smiled.

Several minutes later, and by the time I got called, I really needed to pee.

Unlike in the movies or on the TV, there was no hospital gown or big, bright room with equipment. We were led into a dark room smaller than most people's broom closets and housing an ultrasound that didn't, quite honestly, look any more hefty than the one at the ObGyn's office. I thought this thing was supposed to be super-duper-ultrasound or something?

Anyway, I got to keep my clothes on (something I've been able to do surprisingly a lot during all these appointments - not nearly as much baring of the bits and blood-letting as I was led to believe before getting pregnant.) UNFORTUNATELY, this meant my pants and top were subject to stray globs of warm lubrication.

I kid you not, during the course of the 30-45 minute ultrasound, she must have used 1.5 shampoo-sized bottles of warm lubricant on my belly! I was beginning to think I should ask how much it cost per bottle - could we reduce our insurance co-payments if they weren't quite so generous?

Everything began a little awkwardly. First, I was experiencing a contraction (or so she said) as a result of my incredibly full bladder, so we had to wait for that to subside. Then, the baby wouldn't cooperate at all because of the bladder. So, I had to go to the bathroom to "just pee a little" to see if we could make some room in there. Yes, despite busting a gut, I had to flee the room, pants around groin, belly hot and sticky with lubricant, and let some pee out, but not too much, stopping mid-flow. (Thank God for kegels, is all I can say.)

Then, post-mini-pee, the technician began to quiz me about how much water I drink (not a lot) as if she could see something wrong 'in there'. I got a ten minute lecture on drinking water constantly throughout the day before being told that there was actually nothing wrong with the baby to initiate it.

Finally, baby behaved like a shy taco for almost the entire session, showing us his/her back and bunching into a ball. We did catch glimpses of all the major body parts but, by 30 minutes in, were still missing a left arm. I had to take two breaks where I layed on my side(s) in order to see if we could move the little sucker, so we could see and label a left arm for the doctor. For some reason he/she kept throwing the right arm towards us but kept the left one tucked back. I'm telling you, this kid would not be good at the Hokey Pokey!

Aside from the embarassment of being deserted by my husband for a cup of coffee, absorbing enough lubricant to ultrasound a cow, and having baby play hide-and-seek, it was really very cool to spend an uninterrupted 30-45 minutes watching our baby move around. We got peeks of eyes (somewhat alien-like but at least there are two on either side and nothing in the middle), arms moving, legs crossing and uncrossing, mouth opening and closing, spine, brain, and all four ventricles of the heart beating away at a healthy 135 bpm. During the course of the ultrasound, baby flipped from back-facing to front-facing and back again, and from head left to head right, and back again. It doesn't look like there's much room to move around in there but baby is sure making the most of what room there is!

At the end of it all, we got a disc of 18 pictures (twice as many as normal, I'd like to think because we're just a charming trio) most of which you wouldn't be able to decipher as stills. But, here are a couple that might make sense.

Baby face forward. Head to left. Spine running down center.

A face close-up.

Baby got back.

And there you have it. Everything appeared to be fine, according to the tech. Baby's heart-rate is good, size is on-target for how many weeks I am, due-date still around 4/10-ish.

Probably the last time we'll see baby before he/she joins us in April. Bye bye baby!