Black socks and hair "down there"

Last night was week 3 of our birthing class and time to get down to a little more of the nitty-gritty of labor. Goal of the evening was to understand different ways in which you and your partner can make labor more 'comfortable' and productive. Of course, I think this is highly laughable - the notion that I would find any of that process 'comfortable' is so far removed from reality that we may as well be Clingons.

As expected, we got to watch one of those fantastic videos of a couple going through the 'wonderful experience of natural childbirth'. Yeah, uh-huh.

Yes there was moaning and groaning, some laughable double-entendres, some lullaby-like soothing talk from nurses (that in my mind would come off as patronizing and just plain annoying in the same situation), and some blood-and-gore shots of the moment of birth. All things considered, you would think this would be the thing that bothered me and Hubby. But, t'was not.

Nooooooooo. What bothered us most was the homely couple that they picked to 'star' in our educational movie experience and the fact that the 200lb father was dressed in khaki shorts with black socks and brown slip-ons! Seriously, it was hard to focus on anything else during the whole fifteen minute slot.

Why on earth do the producers and directors of these things insist on making the experience even more uncomfortable for you by finding the single most unattractive couple in the country giving birth that month? I'm sorry to be superficial - I know ugly people give birth too - but it's bad enough that we have to stare at somebody else's coochie and worse when everything from thereon up isn't much of an improvement. I looked around me at the room of 13 other couples and, almost without exception, any one of them would have been an acceptable "couple next door" for the movie without instituting my gag reflex. I don't need Angie and Brad, just give me a break and don't pick Roseanne and Tom. You know what I'm saying????

Anyway, that was the black sock saga. I can't say I learned much except that one should be more cognizant of one's footwear when appearing on camera.


In other news, today's email newsletter from my healthcare group (the only one I continue to subscribe to after my previous e-newsletter meltdown) today addressed the issue of genital grooming.

Yes, of all the things that are critical to the process of growing and delivering a baby, they saw fit to devote this week's newsletter to the shaving of your coochie.

And I quote: "If you are in the habit of shaving your pubic hair, or near it, it is recommended that you give it a break at this point until after your baby is born. If a cesarean section is required, or any other procedure that might require hair removal, the removal should be done at that time according to the hospital's policies and procedures. Other hair removal techniques can traumatize the skin and lead to infections."

First of all, anyone who has been 7 months pregnant knows that your attention to detail for this... task ... has already severely waned by this stage due to some significant physical limitations. A) you can no longer SEE it and B) its very difficult to get a good angle on it for doing anything about it, even if you decide to go-in blind. Of course, if you're going to the salon and getting it waxed, that's a whole other deal, but I've never been that brave or free with my "bits".

Secondly, I have a practicial question: How far down do they cut this c-section slot for heaven's sake? Does anyone really have hair that grows up to that spot? I'm no brazillian waxer but if they're cutting into an area of me that requires hair removal, they're going to hit the wrong "b" - bone not baby.

Good Lord, this process is full of surprises.