2 weeks

Our little Daisy is 2 weeks old today and neither Hubby or I can figure out if it seems longer or shorter than that; I guess it depends on what yardstick you're using to measure the last 14 days!

Lazy Daisy, as she had become known in her first week, obviously didn't like her nickname because she firmly bucked it in week 2 of her life. Thank goodness "crazy" also rhymes. This past week Hubby and I got our first real taste of sleep deprivation. What we've discovered is that it's not about how long she sleeps for in one stretch necessarily, it's about the ratio of sleep-to-awake time. For instance, on Wednesday night she was sleeping for 60-90 minute stretches and took 2.5-3 fussy hours to settle down inbetween - a pattern which resulted in a firm mummy meltdown at about 3am. Last night, however, and on Monday night, she managed to reverse that trend and sleep for 2-3 hours with a 45-90 minute awake period inbetween. With Hubby and I switching off shifts, that gives us each 4-6 hour stretches of sleep, which is very do-able.

If I can get one 4 hour stretch at night, I'm fine. If I can't, yesterday happens. Thankfully there is Nanny to jump in and relieve me right now (God knows what I'll do when she's gone.) Yesterday morning, after barely any sleep and a frustrating night of fussiness, gas, hiccups, a ghetto bird, and a barking dog, my boobs engorged to the point of pain, and a need to pee (which I have not yet figured out how to do with baby in-arms), I admitted defeat and called my Mum. Although I bit her head off when she arrived 45 minutes later instead of the 30 she originally promised (dang that was a long 15 mins!) she jumped right in to calm Daisy and gave me the mental and physical break I needed to pull myself together (and to pump - oh thank God to pump!)

Again I say, I have no idea how women do this without an involved husband and a support system around them. I guess when you don't have any alternative you just force yourself to go on but all I can say is that I have NO PROBLEM calling in reinforcements.; I'm no martyr. (Note: I'm not saying those who have no other choice are martyrs just that I'm not out to prove anything to anyone by refusing available help!)

So, yes, I guess you can say that the honeymoon period has definitely ended and the reality of parenting has presented itself to us. Not that I am surprised. I never said I was looking forward to this bit or that I would be any good at it; I know myself too well. I said I wouldn't like being pregnant, I was right. I said I wouldn't like the first 6-8 weeks of parenting, I think I will probably be right about that too.

But, despite all of this, what I can say is that our marriage is stronger than ever, as is my love for my fantastic Hubby. We're such a great team and the way we pull together, still laughing and caring about one another even in the most frustrating circumstances, just fills me with overwhelming amounts of love and gratitude for having found and married him. I can see how lesser unions could be tested in the same circumstances; I'm acutely aware of how lucky I am that this whole experience has only brought us closer together.

I'm also finding joy in the fact that I'm all-but recovered from the c-section and able to enjoy being not pregnant me again for the first time in more than 10 months. I can sleep on my back or my side (what choices!), I can get around without clutching at my stomach as if it was about to fall out, I can breathe without too much effort, and there's nothing inside of me playing karate with the walls of my stomach. I already don't have any problem getting around and barely notice that the incision is there any more. It does sting once in a while but I think that's more to do with the fact that the steri-strips that cover it are catching as it heals and shrinks. I'm off the pain meds (anti-inflams as well as narcotics) and am generally left thinking that this whole c-section thing was no problem at all. Overall, having my stomach sliced open was way less of an issue that having my hip socket shaved. Funny but the hip surgery of just last year has provided a great reality-check for this whole experience.

As for Daisy herself, she's doing pretty well. At her second pediatrician appointment this week we did discover a few things: (1) She isn't gaining weight fast enough, (2) She has TMJ and (3) She is slightly tongue-tied. On #1, I think the problem was that she was trying to go through a growth spurt in this last week and my milk couldn't keep up. No sooner had the doc recommended topping her up with formula and my boobs began to catch up - we've only added the formula once since then. On #2, we just need to keep an eye on it. Her jaw kind of clunks when she's breastfeeding in a certain position (with pressure on the side of her jaw while she is moving it up and down) or when we burp her on our shoulder and a similar side-pressure occurs. The doc seems to think that this may go away on its own as her joints and ligaments firm up. Good news is that there is no space in the joint or overall displacement from side to side and, at least right now, it doesn't seem to be hurting her. On #3, it's a very slight tongue-tie. It's not affecting her ability to latch during breastfeeding (how it's usually diagnosed) and she has good movement in her tongue, so it shouldn't impair her ability to speak later in life. However, again, something to keep an eye on. The treatment, should it be needed, is a snip of the frenulum under her tongue - a fairly routine procedure.

Initially it was hard to hear that anything was wrong with her - a heart-stopping panic ensued when I heard the original diagnosis - but it seems that all issues may resolve themselves without intervention and, even if they don't, there's nothing we can do right now but keep an eye on them anyway. So, nothing to do but chill-out and hope for the best. The tongue-tie worries me the most because I don't want her speech to be delayed or impaired; hopefully the doc will be pro-active if we sense that is happening rather than employing a "wait and see" approach that may leave her behind in the development stakes. Rest assured, I will be an annoying mummy to ensure that doesn't happen. If she's gaining weight well with just breastfeeding after this week, I think I'll feel a bit better. (One of the issues with tongue-tie is failute to gain weight appropriately despite the baby breastfeeding very frequently.)

And yes, I am still breastfeeding. Surprising the heck of out me too but I actually quite like it. It's one of the few things I can do that is guaranteed to satiate my crazy little munchkin. When it seemed like my milk supply couldn't keep up, I actually found myself in the emotional predicament I promised myself I would never get myself in - a feeling of failure to give her what she needed and, when she had trouble latching after Hubby gave her a bottle of formula one night, an unreasonable sense of her rejecting me. Who woulda thunk it? Fortunately my rational brain is still able to give my emotional/hormonal brain a good talking to; I shed a few tears of self-pity and then give myself a metaphorical slap across the face. It's good to know that the "old me" is still in here! Hehe.

At the end of all of this, sleep-deprivation and worries aside, we are still besotted with out little Daisy. Week 2 of parenthood has definitely defined itself as being full of opposing emotions and I'm sure this is only the beginning of the journey.

Here are some pics from this week...