Today, Lazy Crazy Daisy turns one.
It's hard to believe but, this time last year, I was waddling around, heavily pregnant, extremely uncomfortable, and somewhat apprehensive about the journey ahead. I didn't even know if I would have a son or daughter!
As one of the last girls in my friend circle to have a baby, I had some idea about what to expect but, I think, was mostly trying to remain open to the process without too many expectations.
I don't know if the people around me would agree (I guess you can debate in comments!) but I think that attitude has mostly served me well. While there have definitely been challenging moments and times of frustration, I would say that the journey so far has been more fun and less difficult than I originally expected. Of course, I have been blessed with a healthy, happy baby and am fortunate enough to have a great husband (who is also a loving, giving father) and two devoted parents just down the street, so it's not like I haven't had help. I'm sure my perspective would have been different if I had to get through the last year without that support structure. (I use "I" here a lot because this blog is mostly about me as a mother, although I recognize I share this journey with Hubby; I don't want to speak for him.) All I can say is that I give MAD PROPS to single parents and those couples who live far from family who can help them. In short, I recognize that we - our family - is lucky to have one another to lean on.
I've spent this past week hanging out with Ms. Daisy, taking advantage of my last two weeks of Paid Family Leave (aka: Baby Bonding time), which must be used before her first birthday. I feel so fortunate to have spent this time with her, just her and I, because, through these days, I have recognized how much different the quality of the time I have with her is when I'm not worrying about work, juggling medical appointments, or getting errands and household chores done.
I'm the kind of person who can flip an "off" switch when I am on vacation and so being with her this week has been nothing short of wonderful. Kids know when you're 100% present and giving them your full attention, and they know when you're not. Their moods change correspondingly. This week I have been present, which is not to say I have abandoned all responsibility (we still unpacked suitcases, went to the store, and did laundry), but more to say that when I have been with her my mind has not been in twenty different places. I've not been feeling that nagging frustration that I should be doing something else and recognize the absence of annoyance when things don't go as expected. On a normal, working week, time is so much more precious, and when your kid isn't in-synch with your plans, it can be hard work to drag them along for the ride (or, conversely, to let go of your best-laid plans.) This past week we went with the flow, took things in our stride, and HAD FUN. Although I would say that I always have fun with Missy, I've seen this week how much more fun my daughter can be when I'm in the right frame of mind to be with her.
You're genetically programmed to love your baby when he/she is born but for me, I have found, it took some time for us to really get to know and enjoy one another.
At almost 12 months, Daisy is walking (ok, running would be more accurate) and talking. Her words include mama, dada, nana, handad (Grandad), car, bye-bye, and recently yellow (which sounds more like "allo "but you take what you can get.) She can moo like a cow, meow like a cat, woof like a dog, and pound her chest like a gorilla. (She's her own virtual zoo!) When prompted, Daisy can put her hands up, touch her head, touch her toes, stamp her feet, wave, and clap. I'm sure there are some other ones I'm missing but those are the major ones I can remember.
Almost since birth, she has a bedtime routine that includes a bath every night. In the last month or so, has taken to climbing all thirteen stairs to get there. Daisy only has to hear the sound of her Dad quacking at the top of the stairs (it used to be her baby bathtub that quacked but now it's just Dad) and she runs toward the stairway, arms flying and a big smile on her face.
Before bed at night she will bring us books to read to her, not just the short ones, but long ones with full stories for kids much older than her.. And she will sit happily on my lap while I read at least two of them before she goes to sleep. Her favorite books are The Marvelous Toy, Giraffes Can't Dance, Dinosaurs Love Underpants, and Sleeping Beauty - pretty much anything with a certain candence and rhyme, in fact. In the morning when she first stirs, she knows to stand up in her crib and grab her binky and bunny off the book case next to her, which gives us an extra 30-45 minutes of sleep. (Bliss!) Of course, one day soon this will stop because big girls don't have binkies.
Her favorite meal of the day is breakfast, which is part of our joint morning ritual while Daddy showers for work. You only have to say the word "breakfast" and she immediately stops what she's doing, breaks into a big smile and starts running for the kitchen. It's the cutest thing!
It wasn't until I had Daisy in my life that I realized how little I smiled before. Not that I wasn't happy - because I was - but it's just that I didn't go through life smiling randomly throughout the day. Since Daisy is constantly flashing big beams at me, I've found myself smiling much more. In order to keep your kid happy when you're changing diapers, putting on clothes, or doing just about anything that may irritate them, you also find yourself talking and smiling - something which I've always had a problem with. It just doesn't come naturally to do both at once; I used to feel like a peppy character at Disneyland when trying to smile and talk. Now it's something I do all the time. Of course, just watching her makes me smile, especially when she wanders off to play with her toys on her own. I love watching her explore, learn, and figure things out her own way, without me or Hubby stepping in to help or guide.
Daisy is also willful and independent, already throwing full-body temper tantrums when she doesn't get what she wants. Unlike a lot of babies I've spent time with, she is not a mimic. She pays attention and does things in her own time. She has no fear, running in the opposite direction from her mama at the park, climbing the stairs, and walking into pitch-black rooms without a care (clearly not taking after her father who is still afraid of the dark.)
Almost to the point of embarassment, Daisy is also extremely friendly. If someone won't say hello to her, she'll stare at them until she catches their eye and, when they finally show her some attention, awards them with a big, wide, toothy grin, and waving arms. Put her down in a room of kids of any age and she'll happily run off and make friends, or toodle off to do her own thing. She runs after dogs, cats, and kids without any hesitation, excited to make a connection.
Despite being very independent, Daisy has developed a very loving streak in the last month or so. Prior to month 11, it would be fair to say that she was so desperate to do things on her own that she didn't want to be held, hugged, kissed, or touched - it was almost as if she felt you were trying to hold her back. She would do that wriggly worm thing whenever you tried to show her affection. Now the tide is changing and she will run up to you and fling herself into your arms, give you kisses, or (if you're standing) wrap herself around your legs. There's nothing like kisses from your kid, is there? Daisy kisses are the BEST.
And so, here I am, now the mother of a toddler. Which is just crazy to contemplate since I've only been a mother of anything for barely a year! There are some days where I still can't quite connect with my new role, probably because I was expecting to feel something different about myself in the process. While my life is definitely changed for the better by having Daisy in it, I'm pleased to say that I still feel like me. I still like to go out for drinks with my friends, enjoy a drop of wine on a Friday night (or several pina coladas on vacation!), still have the travel bug, still enjoy working full time and still enjoy working out. So, rather than being changed, I feel expanded or enhanced even - Michelle 2.0 if you like.
I'm looking ahead towards the next twelve months which just as much uncertainty as I did this time last year but less anxiety. Having got to know my daughter this last year, I know it will be full of surprises, full of joy, and full of love. I'm so blessed.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MUNCHKIN. MAMA LOVES YOU!
Now, off to the party...
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