In reverse order, for emotional impact.
The point of diminishing return
Hubby and I had planned on eliminating the binkie from our lives at Christmas. In fact, I had an unofficial pact with two of my mommy friends, to hold a binkie donation party for our girls during the festive season – we’ll tell them the binkies are going to babies in need, wrap them up, and for each one they give up, we’ll give them a reward prezzie in return.
However we’re seriously considering saying bye-bye to binkie early.
Why would we do such a crazy thing, you ask? Well, because the benefit of having said baby-plug gets smaller and smaller every day.
It used to be that binkie instantly stopped Daisy from crying whenever she was upset. Now, notsomuch. Frequently, she’ll scream around it or even take it out and scream inbetween sucks.
It used to be that binkie made her happy and quiet in the car. Now, hahahahah… NOPE. The kid does not stop pointing out random objects ont he street at the top of her lungs and babbling some nonsense or other. She also seems to have an uncanny knack for knowing when her Daddy is on the phone and chooses that exact moment to pull binkie out of her mouth and squeal (albeit happily) like a stuck pig.
Being present
The hardest part of parenting, for me, is being present; 100% in the here and now.
It used to be that I could let my little ADD mind dart between subjects, that I could multi-task a phone-call and a household chore and the tv news, or… whatever. But you can’t do that with toddlers. Well, maybe you can do it with your toddler. Not mine.
Daisy requires your full attention. Sure, you can and must often have moments when she is not the center of your focus but the reality is that, whenever those moments come around, I find myself the most irritated, the most frustrated, the most out-of-synch.
It takes a deep breath and a surrender to clear my mind of all other things, and then I can start to enjoy spending time with her. Some days it’s easier than others.
Week days are hardest, especially after work. You’d think that, after 8 hours of adult time, coming home to switch into Mommy gear would be easier. Not. It’s like trying to go from 5th gear straight into reverse. Lots of clunking, resistance, and disorientation. The only way is slowly, down through 4th, 3rd, 2nd, 1st, to a stop, and then finally zooming backwards. Unfortunately, toddlers don’t give you time for the transition, so in the meantime it’s painful: your heart races, you sense inner panic (how will I make it through the evening!???) Eventually, you’re cruising and are quire enjoying it. But it takes time.
Some day I hope to turn these blog posts into a series of books for Daisy to read when she gets older. I hope posts like this will give her a sense of what it takes to be a mother – both the joys and the challenges. And I hope she realizes that, even though some days were less-than-perfect, I mostly “got it”, even if I didn’t always “make it” - and that I had a whole lot of fun trying.
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