Hormones or ...?

The last few days have just been weird for me.

I'm guessing it's just hormones going all over the place but I've been experiencing extreme anxiousness, agitation, impatience, and nervousness. I'm, at turns, tired and then full of adrenaline. I feel like there's no way I will get to sleep at night but then zonk-out immediately. But then I wake up early, the butterflies in my stomach start, and I can't get back to sleep. I constantly feel as though I'm getting ready for a big presentation - about ready to step on the stage in front of thousands of people. I don't want to do anything but then I feel like I have to be busy with something. I'd like to stay in but then I think I'll go crazy unless I go out. I'm always a little hungry but then can only force-down a little when I start. (No nausea, though.)

Actually, it feels a lot like coming off of the narcotic painkillers I took after my surgery. Yes, I feel like a druggie coming off a high. And no, I haven't been taking anything I shouldn't have - Tylenol (which incidentally is thoroughly worthless for relieving even the slightest headache - I'm going to miss my English Nurofem with codeine and ibuprofen) is the only medication that's been in my body for more than a month.

Last night, on a tip, Hubby and I headed to Goores (a high-end BabiesRUs here in Sac) to purchase some hot/cold gel packs especially made to fit in with your bra. Obviously, I don't need to tell you why I needed those. But this morning I woke up and not a smidge of tenderness in my boobs. What the heck?

Of course, every little symptom or lack thereof is currently resulting in me rushing to my PC to Google it. What I'm getting from this maniacal anxiousness and worry is that pretty much everything can either be (a) normal or (b) something to worry about. Almost every symptom you can imagine (aside from the obvious signs that something is wrong) can either be attributed to an impending miscarriage or your hormones seesawing like a 4 year old in the local playground. So, I've resolved to worry about nothing except extreme, sudden pain or sudden, heavy bleeding. I have neither right now. Ergo, I need to stop worrying!

God knows where this worry-wort in me comes from - its certainly not a normal part of my personality. I'm the kind of gal who reasons with herself, talks herself out the other side, and in 10 minutes has pretty much moved on. So, again, I have to conclude that it's that damn seesaw again.

I'm going to be glad when I'm past the first 8 weeks, have had my first ultrasound, and feel like things are a bit more set-in-stone and stable. I know Hubby feels the same way. While we're excited, most all of our conversations end with "well, it's still early and anything can happen." At least I've got hormones to blame for my doom-and-gloom attitude, I don't know what his excuse is! ;o)

Seriously, we just want this little thing to hang on in there. We want to get excited and attached because this is exciting and it is our baby-to-be. On the other hand, we're frightened it could all go away with such little fanfare right now that we're not quite allowing ourselves to get emotionally attached to the our ball of cells, or the outcome.

This is going to be a looooong 8 weeks.