The invisible belly measurement tool

Twice today, AGAIN, I was verbally assaulted by people amazed that I was "only" 6 months pregnant.

First was at my PCP's office. I had to go in for my broken toe, which seems to have taken a slight turn for the worse. The nurse who checked me in, and who I had spoken to yesterday, greeted me and immediately exclaimed "Oh my, you ARE pregnant!" Then, when she reaffirmed my due date, she asked "Wow, that far away still?"

Then I headed out to Barnes and Noble to pick up a book. The cashier asked me how many months pregnant I was and when I told her she said "Really? Are you sure that's all? Do you have twins in there? You look much further along than that."

I'm still so shocked at people's audacity that I haven't quite been at my best and most quick-witted in responding with some ascerbic comment. Yet.

So I have this question. Maybe you can help me answer it?

Is there a commonly known belly measurement tool out there, that I have thus-far not been made aware of, that enables people to instantly compare the size of your pregnant belly against the "norm"?

I don't know about you but I don't know of any objective, laymen's measurement tool out there (so other than a professional ObGyn's measuring tape), that dictates how big or small a pregnant woman's belly should be at any given time. It's like trying to tell a 13 year old girl that her boobs shouldn't be so big yet. Every body is different - boobs, butts, and bellies alike.

So, again, I also ask why it is that strangers seem to have no problem more-or-less telling you you're 'fat' upon first sight? For instance, would that cashier have even thought to say to an obese person "Wow, your thighs are way bigger than I would expect for someone of your size!" Of course not. So what, exactly, makes my pregnant belly any different?

What exactly is the point in commenting on the unexpected size of someone's pregnant belly? What does it matter? What kind of conversation do people think it will inspire? And, exactly how do they expect me to respond to the "Are you sure?" comments? Surely, they're not serious in expecting me to have got it horribly wrong? As all you mothers out there know, by the time you've reached the 6 month mark, you're studiously counting the days until you can finally get your body back... there's no way in hell you'd be "off" a month or two.

Perhaps my new response for these ludicrously insensitive people should be something along the lines of: "Umm... well, it is actually a little bit under debate because my husband was out of town for a while, and I was fucking my the guy next door, so it could be his. Or my old boyfriend's, who I hooked-up with after we went out with drinks several months back. So I'm just trying to stick to the 6-months measurement so my husband doesn't get suspicious."

I'm sure that would clamp their mouths firmly shut.

The other, less shocking option, could be to ask "Why? Exactly how big should I be right now?" I guarantee 90% of them would say "I don't know, but you look further along than 6 months,", to which I could reply "Based upon what, exactly?" Throw it right back at them, make them realize the idiocy of their comment, I say.

Nah, I like the dubious father answer better... way more fun.

p.s. On the toe, all is fine. Nothing I can do but wait the usual 6-8 weeks for it to repair itself.