A weekend of ups and downs

I woke up on Saturday morning with barely any pain or discomfort from my pubic bone. Yeah! This was great timing because we had our pregnancy photo-shoot with Penny Silvia. You know how I love my photos, so we hired Penny to take pre-birth, post-birth, 6-month, and 1-year photos of our journey with the soon-to-be newest member of our family.

Penny is awesome. A lot of fun and someone who clearly enjoys her job, which makes me even more determined to take a photography course this year to see if I have photography chops. We started off with some fun pics in the back yard, holding a rake and a shovel!? We then moved down to the easement at the back of our yard and took some pictures in the trees. Fortunately the rain held-off long enough for us. Then we moved inside for some more revealing belly shots, some in the dining room and then some sitting on the glider in the nursery. Finally, we moved into the bedroom (ooolaalaaa) where Hubby and I snuggled up on the bed. At that point, Penny decided to test our level of 'comfort' and I had a corresponding 'what the hell?' moment. Down to my underwear and a top, we took some silhouette poses in front of the window. Then, down to just my underwear and hands for modesty (no shirt for Hubby), we did some photos on the floor in an embrace. I figured, what other time in life do I have a perfectly viable excuse not to look model-perfect in a state of undress? Plus, honestly, Penny is so relaxed it was easy for it all to be no big deal.

We should have the photo slide-show from her in about a week and so you'll be able to judge for yourself what you thought of our little revealing photo-shoot.

In the evening, we decided go to a movie. This time of year I like to try and fit in as many Oscar nominated pics as I can, so we picked Frost/Nixon. The movie was great but the problem was leaving. After sitting for a couple of hours, I went to stand up and leave the theater and was faced with excrutiating, crushing pain in my pubic bone. It literally felt as though someone had put an iron block inside me that was trying to push its way out through my groin. Putting one foot in front of another was almost unbearable and it was only pride that got me down the aisle and out of the theater without crying or collapsing to the floor. You may think that I am being dramatic (which I tend to have a flair for) but I have to tell you that this was pain beyond anything I experienced after my hip surgery (save for the immediate moments thereafter in recovery.) I gritted my teeth and managed to get outside into the hallway where I stood to one side to try some pelvic tilts, which usually help relieve any sudden-onset of pain. They worked to a degree, at least enough to enable me to clutch Hubby's hand as I slowly shuffled out and back to the car. (BTW, in this moment I learned that I hum to comfort myself when I'm in a lot of pain - could be useful in labor?)

As I said, the pain was bad but it's the frustration and fear that comes with it that really brings you down, especially after the exhuberance of such a great morning. You start to believe that thing are getting better, that you're on the mend, and then WHAMMY! Something like that just makes you realize that the problem still exists and all you've managed to do is temporarily relieve it with some good exercises and stretches. Instantly, in my head, I began going through the back-and-forth of c-section vs. vaginal birth and the implications for long-term pain. Vaginal = potential for further dislodgement of the pubis but a shorter recovery time, back on my feet and exercising sooner. C-section = instant relief for my pubis but limitations on movement for 6-8 weeks, resulting in potentially more pain from prolonged periods of sitting. And then I started thinking about if the baby turns and starts to engage and what that added pressure would do to the overall problem. Even though I recognize from reading up on this PSD thing that my condition is mild compared to most, I could definitely see how one of the most defining memories described by acute sufferers is one of feeling depressed, frustrated, and hopeless.

Sunday, I woke up determined not to sit down during the day. So, I began laundry and gingerly attempted my pre-natal yoga routine. Yes, the same one where I injured myself but I was listening to my body, used a chair for support, and avoided going balls-out on any of the standing poses. I felt immensely better afterward, as I have done after any exercise since I got injured. In the afternoon I decided to make a meat Moussaka for dinner, which involved heading out to the grocery store, buying the raw ingredients and then coming back to prep and cook it - all of which took 2+ hours, standing firmly on my feet. By the time Hubby arrived home at around 5:30pm, my feet were swollen and sore but my pubic bone still felt good. I'll take sore feet any day.

So, the key is activity and not sitting down for long periods of time. I was pleased with myself; I had figured out how to keep the pain at bay. Better still, the solution was not rest (which would drive me crazy) but activity.

Unfortunately, despite my revelation, I did not sleep well... something which is becoming an every-day reality for me now, especially since the injury. After five minutes of propping myself up with pillows between my legs, under and around me, I fell asleep but only to wake bolt-upright about 4 hours later, with fatigue in my buns and thighs from laying on one side. Changing positions is somewhat painful with the PSD, so that didn't help much, and then the baby decided to start kicking me hard in the cervix, so hard that my entire body rocked with each thud. It seems that, after weeks of thumping me in the upper-right corner of my belly, baby is now lodged down low. Hmmm... seems it turned the wrong way? I'm 29 weeks, so think I have a week or two for baby to right itself upside down but it doesn't instill confidence. Maybe baby will be breach and take the c-section decision entirely out of my hands anyway.


During this whole weekend, I found myself thinking about the pregnancies of my friends - some easy, some not so easy - and remembered something that one of them said: "I'm taking each day as it comes." So, when I woke up this morning relatively pain-free again, I decided that's the best solution for right now. Worrying about what might happen, what all these things might mean for the birth, the recovery... none of it changes anything. And mentally adding up all the days where I've been in pain will just result in psychological torture and depression. Therefore, I'm resolved to taking the ups and downs as they come, appreciating and taking advantage of the days/mornings/evenings where I feel good and taking a deep breath when I don't.

I said I'm resolved...doesn't mean I'll necessarily be any good at it. Wish me luck!