I think most of you who know me at least a little but would agree that I am not, typically, neurotic. I think, as one of my friends said today to me in an email, I am fairly sensible vs. sensitive. In other words, my brain kicks in and tells my heart when it's been a dumbass... most of the time.
Yeah, well, Monday was not one of those times.
On Monday, my nanny, Brandy, took an emergency gig with my friend, Natalie, babysitting her daughter of the same age, Mackenzie. (For those of you who don't remember, Mackenzie was born 1.5 days after Daisy in the same hospital and Natalie and I were in Lamaze classes together. The stars aligned and we are friends.)
Mackenzie is adorable. Lots of reddish-brown hair, pink, round cheeks, and a rosebud mouth - a total scene-stealer, just like her mom. Natalie is a hot momma, having lost all her weight like, 24 hours after she had Mack. (Her recent post about fitting into her pre-pregnancy jeans on Facebook got me putting down a cookie in a hurry!) They live in a lovely, big, new, immaculately clean and tidy house in El Dorado Hills, about ten miles east of me.
I was so happy that Brandy could help out Natalie because Daisy loves her Aunty Brandy and I knew that Mackenzie would be in safe hands with her.
Yes, well, that was until I emailed Brandy to see if everything was going well. We chatted about how cute Mackenzie was, how amazing Natalie's house was, how great she looked after the baby... and I started to panic. (Natalie - it was all nice and full of envy, I promise!)
What if Brandy likes Mackenzie better than Daisy? What if she thinks Mackenzie is cuter, or more fun, or less of a hassle to babysit? What if she came back to work with Daisy and sat there thinking: Mackenzie wouldn't have done that. Mackenzie was much easier to look after. Mackenzie was better at this. Worse, still, what if she wound-up sitting in my living room thinking what a filthy, lazy, fat housewife and a terrible mother I was????
I know, right? Who is this person occupying my brain????
Seriously, motherhood makes the mind loopy. Never before have I doubted and questioned so much.
Of course, I am over it. I love my house. I would like it to be tidier and cleaner but pah, whatever. My daughter is challenging and fun and adorable and I know her Aunty Brandy loves her. And as for my hang-ups about my physique - I'm actually getting tired of hearing myself on this topic. I give it a big whatever. I still look good with some make-up and the right clothes on.
So... my head kicked in. A little late. But beter late than never. Jeez!
7 comments:
Remember, you're in love.
btw...I should really feel bad about my house, car, body, and the attitude my kids give me every day...boohoo~~not!
I seem to remember you dismissing a motherhood column I sent earlier this year where the mom obsessed about the message she was sending to her daughters...looks different now, eh?
Motherhood is just so ridiculously crazy that you can't help but be sensitive. You're doing a fine job: you're a beautiful mom with an adorable daughter and it will all be ok!
Farrah - I remembered that column as I was writing this post and figured you would call me to the carpet on it. To be fair on my neurosis, it was a fleeting moment, kyboshed by my reasoned brain pretty damn quickly. However, I see how people "get there", most definitely.
you're not alone lady!!...course I would never admit to it...lol...
It's like Sense and Sensibility, only in the burbs. With babies.
e - I feel very posh all of a sudden!
Michelle, I think you're fab. Same goes for your darling husband Joss. And Daisy? Well, she is absolutely adorable! You'll be asking her to tone it down a bit, when she reaches the hot teen years!
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