Just 600 hours to go...

Remember I said I was taking one day at a time? Well, scrap that, recently it's been one hour at a time. This week has been hard. Tuesday felt like Thursday, today felt like, well, the third Thursday in a row. In an effort to not let my discomfort and frustration build into a fever pitch of self-pity, I have literally been looking at things hour by hour.

Today I had to take the afternoon off work. This morning I did a conference call with the owners of my company from my bed. There was no other way to make it happen; I just couldn't pull it together.

It's the gas and related cramping that is killing me. It woke me up at 1:30am this morning, forcing me downstairs on the couch where I practiced my yoga breathing to get back to sleep. When I got up this morning, it started again and, although I had slept, I felt like I'd been up for 24 hours. Also, constipation is bye-bye, if you know what I mean. (Sorry if this is TMI.)

The exhaustion has been reminding me of those first, fateful 14 weeks of zombie-dom that I went through at the beginning of the pregnancy. I was able to lay on the bed for 2 hours this morning and on the armchair for another 2 this afternoon without either (a) falling asleep or (b) moving. I was in that inbetween state, kind of like when you take cold medicine that makes you drowsy - you could literally watch paint dry for hours without realizing how much time had passed or that you hadn't moved. The other feeling I can liken it to (however distant at this point) is the day after a drinking binge, although without any of the fun the night before.

It's rare that I "give in" to feelings of exhaustion, I usually just push myself through and fake it 'till I make it. It usually works too; eventually I start to feel better. Yesterday and today that just wasn't happening. There were no reserves to pull from. The tank was on empty. I could not pull it together.

This afternoon around 5pm I started to perk up (probably means I won't sleep tonight - great).

Other "joys" of the final few weeks from head-to-toe:

• Sinus congestion is getting worse. I'm a big bag of snot.
• Back hurts no matter what position I'm in.
• Hands keep cramping up from too much computer work. I actually massaged a knot out of the top of my right hand/wrist last night just so I could get to sleep.
• Fingers are swollen - I really fear I may have to have my "Shell" ring cut off my middle right finger before this is over.
  
• Skin on belly feels so tight it might peel off at any given moment.
• Skin at the top of my arms is itchy and dry.
• Feet get sore from just a few moments on my feet.
• Every joint in my body cracks with the slightest movement. A TMI anecdote - my shoulder pops in and out whenever I wipe myself from going to the bathroom.
• Moments of excitement (just over 3 weeks to go) are juxtaposed just seconds later with moment of extreme panic (oh my God my life is about to me unrecognizable; this baby can't be "sent back") and then back to optimism just as quickly (but I'll be able to have a martini!)

It really does feel like this pregnancy thing has taken forever. As I've said before, I barely remember what it feels like NOT to be pregnant any more. I certainly cannot see putting myself through all this again. In fact, the very thought makes me want to throw up... literally.